Am I too late?

I always have a private chuckle when I hear someone say that they are behind because they started late. I especially have my own moment of ‘cheese-on-bread’ when this mindset is thrust on a child. Though, in that scenario, my snigger is less than private.

Let’s take an example that I’ve become oh too familiar with over my many years of teaching dance.

Arriving at the dance space, I wait until it is my turn to teach my class. While waiting outside, I notice a mother and a daughter in the office area, neither of whom I recognise.

Sweaty little bodies come running out of the studio and I know that’s my cue. It’s my turn to teach my class. I’m not teaching tiny ones today. Today, I have my older children. It’s a mixed bunch and I love it. They’re just at that age where they are more or less independent and of course, their personalities soar above their size. They’re in the Junior School now at their various Primary Schools and feel miles away from the Infants department.

Before she begins, I quickly say ‘She can go inside if you like..’

‘No!’ She cuts me off. ‘I need to speak to you first,’ she blurts out and yanks back the excitement and eagerness out of this little girl. A bit stunned, I say ok and I begin to listen.

What pours forth from this poor misinformed mom is a litany of 'reasons' her daughter is only now starting dance. She is 8 years old, almost 9. I stand outside the studio space and try to listen attentively to this concerned parent… but my eyes and heart are on her daughter. The little girl begins to shrink. As the monologue builds, this little girl more and more becomes one with her mother's legs and skirt. A little longer she'd go back where she came from. She was trying to disappear. She was trying to not be seen while a conversation that clearly made her uncomfortable was happening. A conversation about HER.

The tone of the talk shifted from 'whys' to 'whats'. This dear mother began to let me know how I should treat her little late-starting daughter in my dance class. I should not expect her to get things done. I should put no pressure on her to try too hard.

I must have understanding for the fact that she's starting late and leave her be as she'll probably not get things accomplished any time soon...

My brain exploded! This precious woman was so incredibly misinformed. And this darling little girl that she loves was trying to evaporate so as to not be a part of this whole scenario.

I took a breath, put my hand on the mother’s shoulder (back when we could touch each other) and I said, 'Who told you that she's starting too late?' It was a genuine

question. I really wanted to understand where this mindset originated and how it came to so adversely affect this family’s approach to dance.

No answer came. What came was a blubbering search for English. It only took a few seconds for it to be clear in this mother's eyes that she really didn't know. She didn't have a single source … it was something that she had heard in different places, from different people, certain dancers and dance teachers, from tv…

I looked this parent in the eyes and I asked if I could speak to her daughter. She nodded and I bent low and looked for her behind her mom. I called her with my finger and told her I had a secret to tell her.

She came to me timidly and our eyes met. I asked her the most important question every professional dancer has to ask themself every morning and in every moment during their gruelling dance day, 'Do you want to dance?'

Her eyes lit up and her head lifted. 'Yes please!'

I then took her hand and said, 'Ok. Let's go dance!' She looked up at her mom for permission and received a nod. Her mom gave her a kiss and I looked at her and said, I'll be right back.'

We welcomed our new friend into the dance space and had a fabulous dance class. She fit right in because her heart wanted to dance and because of that she was willing to try everything given to her.

After the class, I returned a sweaty 8, almost 9 year old girl to her embracing mom. I took a few minutes to speak with her again. I told her that there are many, many success stories of dancers who started training at varying ages. Misty Copeland was 13. My personal friend and mentor Steve Rooks was 20. Desmond Richardson was 10 when he started popping and locking at dance parties, and was a teenager when he started to train.

Starting early in life is great, but it's not the sole reason people are successful. Whatever you do in life is determined by your attitude and your dedication. I reminded her that her daughter's present and future is not hindered because today was her first dance class. She was thankful and most of all she was absolutely relieved.

That little dancer went on to get distinctions in her dance exams! But most of all, she knows that age doesn't limit her abilities in any area of her life. Now that’s a success story!